What happens at a meeting of PFLAG?
Except for the one hour every other month when there is a guest speaker, the people (members and not) who come to PFLAG meetings become the program.

The leader of the meeting reads the simple statement of purpose of the organization, conducts a round-robin introduction, then asks if anyone has a matter of concern to ask about or comment on.

Often there are parents in the room whose children have recently told them they are gay. Some parents are reeling from the blow; some seem calm and accepting; some are angry or hurting; all have questions.

So the members offer answers from their own--longer experience of being parents of homosexual children. The gay men and lesbian members (about a third of those at any meeting are gay or lesbian) speak from their point of view--what it was like when they came out, how much more real and honest it often made their relationships with their parents.

No one is made to feel he or she must speak--we all know the value of quiet listening. And no one who speaks is expected to reveal more than he or she cares to. But in the warm, supportive atmosphere, many find they can put troubling thoughts and fears into words for the first time, and receive reassurance, guidance, and just plain facts.

But this is no grim, frowning assemblage. Nor is it group therapy, nor a class or workshop. Smiles are everywhere, conversation bubbles, information is shared, concern for one another is obvious.

For some newcomers, the ease with which, during introductions, a person will say "I have a lesbian daughter" or "I am a gay son" is a revelation and an immediate relaxant.

Some questions raised in recent meetings were:

• Could homosexuality be just a phase my son/daughter is going through?
• Does coming out consist simply of an announcement and a response?
• What can help parents accept a child's homosexuality?
• How come he decided to be gay after a ten-year marriage?
• I'm a 37-year-old lesbian. My father is quite ill. How can I come out to my parents? How can I not?

The remarkable thing about the meetings is that, though unstructured, each has its own built-in rhythm--a pace that builds during the first hour, is enhanced by side conversations during the break, and culminates at the end of the next hour with the almost palpable feeling that everyone--from newcomers to veterans--has learned and gained.

WE UNDERSTAND

PFLAG is here to help you learn about homosexuality in a safe, confidential and caring place. We believe that education is the key to understanding the lesbian, gay or bisexual member of your family.

We understand that society has perpetuated myths and stereotypes about non heterosexual people that are painful for you when you first learn of your family member's sexual orientation.

We understand the pain you feel and the process of grief and mourning that cannot be denied as you travel on your own journey of acceptance. We understand your need to ask questions, share your story, and explore your feelings.

We understand your sensitivity to the thoughtless, ignorant remarks made by the media, your co-workers, friends, relatives or neighbors.

We understand because we, too, have asked these questions and felt this pain.

We offer our support, provide literature, and respond to your individual needs in any way we can. We hope to help you build an honest and rewarding relationship with your lesbian or gay family member.

We beileve in the importance of family ... yours and ours.

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"Parents represent and interpret society to a child or adolescent. A parent's reaction defines the world's acceptance or rejection. It determines whether a child will feel secure, confident and optimistic--or rejected, frightened and unvalued. The two most effective strategies to overcome discrimination against gays and lesbians are the simple acts of coming out, and parents' accepting and embracing their gay children. Then the neighbors, friends and co-workers of the parents begin to re-think their reflexive rejection of gay people. That's how a minority that has faced ostracism and prejudice achieves society's understanding and acceptance." --an activist gay man